On Being Real

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'
'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 
'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 
'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?' 
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.'"  - Margery Williams (The Velveteen Rabbit)

This is my favorite passage from a favorite childhood story. Perhaps I did not fully understand it as a child, but maybe that's why it has always stuck with me... something that periodically comes to mind. And maybe still, I needed to be a parent to really comprehend the message in this particular passage.

It occurred to me the other night, as I found myself sandwiched between my two children, one of whom was snoring like a giant (Alli), and the other of whom was periodically sneezing on me (Simon), that I am like the Velveteen Rabbit. I would venture to say that most moms are, actually.

The part that really gets me is when the rabbit asks Skin Horse if it hurts and he says "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." So true. I cannot even begin to tell you the number of times my heart has been broken, either for my children or by my children. However, I will gladly experience that kind of heartbreak over and over again, just to be their mom. It hurts. A lot. But I don't mind being hurt. I am grateful for it.

Too, when Skin Horse says "That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept," I also relate this to parenting. I think about my own mom. If she broke easily... where would I be? I would have missed a great model of how strength, determination, and love get you through just about anything. And, if I broke easily... where would my kids be?

Also, I think about my grandmother - "Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." How often do we, as a society, dismiss the older generation? But, my grandmother's age, and how she loved, loves, and is loved, has made her Real. And, how lucky I am to have her as an example.

I may not be "Real" yet, but I intend to be. I would guess that with all the hugs, snuggles, kisses, and love I get from my kids, my hair will be loved off and I will get very shabby quite soon. I wouldn't trade one minute of it as it happens. And certainly, I wouldn't trade the outcome for anything.