- Alice Kingsleigh, Through the Looking Glass
I think love is a lot like time.
Love is joy. It is happiness and light. It is gratitude and wonder. It is warmth and hope. It is living.
And, love is pain. It is sorrow and darkness. It is fear and anger. It is cold and sad. It is death.
Love is such that you cannot have one without the other - two sides of the same coin.
Although I know my NanNan, is finally at peace and I am grateful that she is no longer suffering, there is still a hole in my heart.
The hole is there because of the love. It is there because of the forty years of memories I made with her presence. It is there because I loved her and because she loved me. Love is joy and love is pain.
Despite the sorrow I now feel, I will not give back the happy memories: of standing by her sink in a Bugs Bunny costume, stealing the carrots she was pealing; of the way her eyes lit up every time I walked in her room; of her laughter at whatever joke my brother was telling. I will not even give up the memory of her very seldom admonishments.
I will live with this hole in my heart because it has been worth it. Every second I feel darkness is worth every second I've felt light. I know the hole will heal. I also know the happiness will never be replaced in quite the same way. I am okay with all of it. Love is joy and love is pain.
Perhaps this is the greatest lesson: To fully understand the good, we must be vulnerable to the bad.