On Love and Loss

"I used to think time was a thief. But you give before you take. Time is a gift. Every minute. Every second."
- Alice Kingsleigh, Through the Looking Glass

I think love is a lot like time.  

Love is joy. It is happiness and light. It is gratitude and wonder. It is warmth and hope. It is living.

And, love is pain. It is sorrow and darkness. It is fear and anger. It is cold and sad. It is death.

Love is such that you cannot have one without the other - two sides of the same coin. 

Although I know my NanNan, is finally at peace and I am grateful that she is no longer suffering, there is still a hole in my heart.

The hole is there because of the love. It is there because of the forty years of memories I made with her presence. It is there because I loved her and because she loved me. Love is joy and love is pain. 

Despite the sorrow I now feel, I will not give back the happy memories: of standing by her sink in a Bugs Bunny costume, stealing the carrots she was pealing; of the way her eyes lit up every time I walked in her room; of her laughter at whatever joke my brother was telling. I will not even give up the memory of her very seldom admonishments. 

I will live with this hole in my heart because it has been worth it. Every second I feel darkness is worth every second I've felt light. I know the hole will heal. I also know the happiness will never be replaced in quite the same way. I am okay with all of it. Love is joy and love is pain. 

Perhaps this is the greatest lesson: To fully understand the good, we must be vulnerable to the bad. 

Even with a hole in my heart, I believe love is worth it. Love is a gift.
Nan's Legacy

Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 2, 2017 at 6:14 AM

    Beautifully written as always, Carrie. My favorite...? "Perhaps this is the greatest lesson: To fully understand the good, we must be vulnerable to the bad."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie RootMarch 2, 2017 at 9:54 AM

      Thanks Felicia! Its a tough lesson though, isn't it.

      Delete
  2. UnknownMarch 2, 2017 at 9:36 AM

    Carrie, My condolences to you and your family. A long time back, NanNan and PopPop acted like grandparents to Matthew. They passed on their extraordinary ability to embrace others and to make them feel a part of the family. You, your mom and dad, and your brother carry that part of them with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie RootMarch 2, 2017 at 9:56 AM

      Thank you Leslie. Matthew (and you) has always been #thefamilywepicked. Perhaps we learned how to pick, and that we should, from them. :)

      Delete
  3. UnknownNovember 15, 2017 at 9:36 PM

    Channels for online games and interesting bets.


    จีคลับ Betting Sites Online casinos you can use to invest in online investment services that you can come into play with the game to challenge the casino. Just a gambler to use online investment services with us here, you will not be disappointed.

    In addition, you will be playing the game to challenge the end. Upon entering our website, investors will get many bonuses as well. In addition, our website also provides online betting services for gamblers, stock players, investors who are interested in using the online gambling games with us, investors can come into play to use it, investors will not. Absolutely disappointed Also, we have a website that checks the government to investors to check with. Gamblers who have not played before, never used to invest online casino. We have a team to recommend it all the time. Do not forget to subscribe here. Today, you come to use the service on our website, if investors recommend to use the service, you will get more bonus and then come to use a lot here. บาคาร่า

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On The Hardest Thing Ever

This is hard. I mean really really hard. I am not generally afraid to do hard things. In fact, I've done a lot of really hard things, Hard makes me stronger. Hard builds my character. Hard allows me to understand others. So hard, isn't something that bothers me - at least when it's something hard for myself. It's a different story when the hard thing has to do with my child.  I am not totally sure why I am writing about this. Maybe it is partially because I currently cannot think of anything else and maybe, if I write it down, it will free my brain and give it some release. Or, perhaps it is a little bit because I know I can't be the only parent who has ever dealt with this, and so my sharing might help someone else.  The stigma of mental illness looms heavily. I find it absurd that we, as a culture, can completely accept someone having a physical illness, yet cannot fathom accepting the illnesses we cannot see. So many individuals suffering from mental il
Read more

On The Family I Picked

When I was 15 months old, I was given a powerful message: blood relation is not the only family that matters. When I was 15 months old, my dad picked me (and my mom). Technically that makes him my step-father, but he is my dad through and through. He wasn't the only one who picked me and became my family, though. His parents became my grandparents; his brothers and sisters became my uncles and aunts. Never once have I ever felt anything other than a great sense of belonging. I am theirs and they are mine. So, it has been with this message, deep in my heart and on the surface of all that I do, that I journey through life picking people to add to my family. It is with this message, that I hope to provide my children a roadmap to forming their own families.  And what an amazing family I have - it is wide-spread; it is diverse; it is filled with love.  This family of mine has loved and supported me in my darkest times and in my happiest of moments. I am secure in th
Read more