On...

My children each have a very important last day this week. Simon has his last day of 2nd grade and Alli has her last day with Ms. Sherri (her daycare provider for life). First days tend to give me anxiety. It doesn't matter how excited I am for the event, it always makes me feel a bit like wandering around school hallways without any clue as to where to go. I can't sleep for days prior to the first day of anything, even when I know exactly what to expect. But last days, make me sad. Simon's last day is a last day in this particular school with a wonderful and caring staff. It's his last day with the wonderful teacher who has been his teacher for the last two years.  And although Simon is thrilled that summer is here at last, I am sad. It'll never be the same as it is right now. Alli's last day is harder on me. Ms. Sherri has been a part of our lives for more than five years. She watched Simon part-time until he went to preschool and she has watched Alli ...

One of the first memories I have from the hospital is my friend, Jeremy, visiting.  This wasn't the first time Jeremy visited, but it was the first time I remembered.  What I remember is Jeremy making fun of my hair. (It was half-shaved/half-not because of the emergency need to get a drain in and reduce the swelling in my head).  My hair did not look good. I knew this. No one else even acknowledged it.  Jeremy, however, made fun of it.  And, I remember feeling so grateful because he treated me like me, not like some fragile, sad, accident victim.  That was refreshing, especially considering the circumstances. Sporting the half-shaved/half-long look, not to mention the awesome collar and arm splint Part of the reason Jeremy and I get along so well is that we both tend to crack jokes when we feel uncomfortable.  We try to lighten the mood of the situation. Sometimes that works, and sometimes it makes people even more uncomfortable. I make jokes...

My mom and I just went to see the national tour of The Wizard of Oz at the Lyric .  It was wonderful. And, it made me start thinking about each of the characters again and what we could learn from them. The Scarecrow Oh, how I love the Scarecrow and his wish for a brain.  Of course, he is one of the more intelligent characters, but doesn't realize it.  At one point the Wizard says to him, "if you know enough to ask for a brain, then you already have one." And don't we all do this sometimes?  I know I have.  I've felt insecure when I've done something dumb (and I do that a lot) and wished "if I only had a brain."  Perhaps I am more sensitive to this post traumatic brain injury... But, we all do dumb stuff every once in a while and it doesn't mean that we aren't intelligent, thoughtful, people.  We are.  Sometimes we just don't remember. Maybe the lesson we learn from the Scarecrow is to trust in our own abilities and believe in ourselve...

As you probably have guessed, I'm not one to shirk challenges.  I like challenges.  I go at them with full-force and if I have a goal, I will be sure to achieve it.  My drive is a trait that has served me well throughout my life, and I'm really glad I have it. So, post-accident, I made myself a goal.  My goal was to go back to work five months after the accident.  I missed work, I missed using my brain, I missed seeing my work family every day, and I was finding myself getting bored at home. While most people thought this goal was too lofty, the doctors couldn't argue with the remarkable progress I had made, and so they didn't try to dissuade me (too much).  I'm guessing they realized that I would have to figure out for myself that it was too soon. And so, I went back to work, on March 10th and by March 31st, I realized it was too soon. The first week I thought I just need to get used to it again. The second week I thought that maybe it was too soon, ...

Just this past weekend, I watched a really awesome Ted Talk from Jane McGonigal .  She, like me, had a traumatic brain injury.  What she did to help herself is quite fascinating. Without giving too much away (because really, you should watch it), I'll say that her explanations of post-traumatic growth, building resilience, and ways to achieve it made me think of the ways I've helped myself since the accident: 1.  Physical Resilience:  For me, this is going to the gym.  I went to the gym prior to the accident.  In fact, it is one of the things that my doctors believed allowed my body to heal so quickly from such traumatic injury. And now, it helps my body and my brain continue to heal.  Other benefits include being able to handle stress more easily, greater stamina throughout the day, and of course, looking better in a bikini (can't not include that).  As with everything, I work hard for a reason.  All of these benefits are my reasons. 2...

As my son has completed his First Communion this past week, it occurs to me that perhaps religion is a topic I should discuss. Now, I am sure I run the risk of offending someone.  I'll either offend my religious friends for not being religious enough or I'll offend my non-religious friends for being too pro-God. Either way, my intention is not to offend, but rather to explore my thoughts on the subject. I'll start by saying that I believe in God.  And, I have experienced a few miracles of my own that make me believe that there is something bigger than us all.  However, I also believe that God allows us to create our own miracles.  If He did not, we would not have such amazing doctors, nurses, and caregivers in the world. And although I believe in God, I cannot say that I am a very good church-goer.  I go sometimes.  I feel as though I should go more often than I do.  I take Summers off.  And during this time of First Communion prep, I felt as ...

I feel as though I've done a pretty good job of being grateful... Of recognizing what I still have and of how lucky I am to be as okay as I am.  But still, sometimes I lament my former self. I miss how my body used to work. I miss being able to make a fist with my left hand.  I miss being able to hold more than 17.5 pounds of weight in my left hand without fear of dropping it.  I miss not being covered in hideous bruises. I miss being able to pay attention for more than 15 minutes at a time.  I miss hearing in both ears.  I miss the lack of daily frustrations I now feel.  I miss the old me. Don’t worry, I have not taken a serious turn for the worse.  I’m still grateful for where I am today and I am still committed to getting better and better everyday, but I won’t lie to you - this is a struggle, one that I face everyday. Recently, a friend of mine helped put everything in perspective.  She reminded me that the "old me" is a myth, as ...