On Redefining Beauty

As most of us who peruse the internet or watch TV or read magazines know, Dove has a long-running campaign on redefining beauty.  Here's link to one of my favorite ads and with it a blog (by another writer) about how Dove has missed the mark. I certainly understand both points of view and I believe Dove's intentions are two-fold: one, to actually redefine beauty and two, to make money. We can't pretend that Dove doesn't want to sell product - they do, but they can also help our culture in the process.

Additionally, I was listening to a book at the gym and heard something that stuck with me.  "We should not think of scars as being ugly. Scars mean we survived."

Combined, these two things have been bouncing around in my head and made me think about accident survivors, cancer survivors, etc. and how we see ourselves. While I cannot pretend to understand what other's have gone through, I know what I've gone through, and I can speak for myself.

I have a lot of scars.  And although I am somewhat vain, I have never been particularly bothered by scars.  My personal thought is that scars give us character. They tell a story about who we are.

I have a scar above my left eyebrow from falling down the steps as a little kid. I have a faded scar on my right ankle from a rope burn I got from my brother's dog's leash (two dogs ago). I have a scar on my left leg from having a melanoma removed.  I have a myriad of scars on my left hand and on the top of my head from the accident.  And of course, there is the aforementioned extra belly button.

Each of these scars tells a story (some tell the same story). Some of the stories are dramatic (the falling down the steps one was particularly dramatic for my mom - I don't remember it). Some are just silly things that I've done. And others tell the story of my survival.

Of course, I am not as scar covered as I could be. Every bone in my face was broken, but they healed well and I look like me. Other people have scars that are much more noticeable. I can't pretend to understand their perspective.

But, what does all of this mean? Well, for me, it means there were things that I had to get used to about myself post-accident. And, perhaps I'm lucky because there aren't too many visible scars. So, it also means that part of my story is about being grateful.

Here's what else I think this means:  I  believe that beauty comes, to some extent, from within. A friend of mine recently described it as spark.

Spark means that you're full of life. No matter what you look like on the outside, life energy just comes bubbling out of you. It infects other people and they want to be around you. It means that people care more about the stories behind the scars than about how the scars look.

So, that's my hope for me and for other survivors (of accidents, of disease, of life...) - that people care more about the stories behind the scars than about the scars themselves.  And for that to happen, I believe we have to care more about our own stories than we do about our own scars. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but it's possible.

Start by telling your stories.