On The Idealized Version

An idealized version of me:

• Perfect parent: always patient and kind; always doing things for and with my children
• Perfect daughter: always making the right choices; succeeding; never argumentative
• Perfect sister: always there for my brother; helpful and kind; never argumentative or irritated
• Perfect granddaughter: always visiting, and happy to be doing so; giving of my time; never complaining
• Perfect friend: always reaching out; always making time; always remembering every important thing in my friends' lives
• Perfect business-person: always has a good head on my shoulders; makes great decisions that puts my business and the businesses I work with forward and ahead of the game.
• Perfect in mind and body: always eats well and exercises daily; always works hard to learn and get ahead; always looks good doing it

And then here's the real me:

• Parent: sometimes patient; sometimes I lose my temper and yell; sometimes doing stuff for the kids, and sometimes doing stuff for myself instead
• Daughter: call most days, but some days I don't; sometimes hurtful and argumentative, but mostly kind; certainly haven't made all the "right" decisions
• Sister: sometimes I get mad and hang-up the phone; sometimes I babysit and sometimes I can't; sometimes I can listen and sometimes I can't
• Granddaughter: sometimes I visit; sometimes I'm happy to be there; sometimes I complain about it
• Friend: sometimes I reach out; sometimes we go for long stretches without talking; sometimes I remember all their kids' birthdays; sometimes I don't; sometimes I even forget their birthday (thank you Facebook for helping me out on this one)
• Business-person: sometimes I choose the right course and sometimes I choose the wrong; sometimes I procrastinate
• Mind and body: sometimes I eat junk food and skip the gym, sometimes I am lazy and sit in front of the TV; sometimes I don't wash my hair for a few days and rarely get out of yoga pants

Seems like a bit of a difference, huh?

Idealized versions of oneself are interesting. They come from many places: our parents, our friends, our spouses or significant relationships, and even from ourselves. I am sure that in many ways I have exceeded the idealized expectations... And, in many ways I have fallen way short of that made-up fantasy girl. I have made choices that people have thought were brilliant. And, I have made choices for which people have questioned my sanity. All of these choices, however, have made me, me. Whether they have fit into the idealized mold of me or not, they have in fact created the real me.

And, the real me is someone I can live with... Someone I like... Someone I am happy to know.

What has understanding that we all have idealized versions of ourselves taught me? Well, I think it has taught me that we can never quite live up to our idealized versions, no matter from where it originates. And, it is okay that we don't. We are not some version of ourselves, made up to please people. Instead, we are real. We are full of mistakes and humanness. We are full of love and hate, happiness and sadness, euphoria and bitterness. And, that is an okay way to be... It is a necessary way to be.

The point of this is not to say that I, and all of us, don't have the best intentions. I believe we do. However, it is hard to always be the idealized version of oneself. It is unrealistic and exhausting. Instead of us having the perfect, storybook, fairytale life, we have one where we aren't that happy, one where we never quite make it.

The more real we choose to be, the less idealized, the easier it is for people to like who we are... The easier it is for us to like ourselves. And that, is what will ultimately bring fulfillment and peace... Liking ourselves, our real selves, not just some idealized version.