On Being a Realist

Recently a friend came to visit me and she gave me a framed quote.  It is as follows:

The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts the sails. - William Arthur Ward

This quote speaks to me for several reasons. One: I grew up sailing (or more accurately, I grew up a frequent passenger on my parents’ sailboat), so I like the imagery. Two:  I am a positive person who has been through a lot of changes recently.

Pessimism is something I rarely identify with, although I can understand how easy it could be to fall into its trap - misery begets misery. Optimism, though, is also a trap - a feel-good trap, but a trap nonetheless.  It is a make-believe way of looking at the world. Realism, however, is empowerment. If you understand that the world around you changes, and that you also have the ability to adjust with those changes, to make choices, and that you have strength to deal with the challenges that will occur throughout your life, then you can succeed.  

I think that many people, particularly after my accident, would describe me as an optimist. I've been accused (good naturedly of course) of being awfully "rainbows and unicorns" about this whole thing (and about other challenges in my life before it). And I agree, that for the majority of my life, I would have described myself as an optimist... Or more accurately, as an optimist, with a healthy dose of realism sprinkled in.

But, I have evolved and changed. And with that evolution, I think that perhaps I have become a realist.

I don't believe that this evolution occurred solely as a result of my accident, but is rather a culmination of what life has thrown my way over the years, combined with the choices I have made, and the different roles I have taken.  

Similarly, as any parent will tell you, you rarely reach the end of the path by walking in a straight line - lots of curves and unexpected bends in the road along the way. You may have the best laid plans, but your kids often have a different idea. Fortunately, you have choices - you can be miserable about it, you can expect that things will go your way eventually, or you can adjust and keep on going.

The same is true in my role as project manager. I have had the great fortune of working with a lot of really great clients. Although these clients have been fantastic and I've learned from them, as well as from each member of my work team, I've also learned that the unexpected happens. People quit, companies lose money, companies make money, people can be placed in the wrong role, good ideas can be missed by unsuspecting leadership... And the list could go on and on. The point is, being a pessimist won't help anyone in these situations. Being an optimist won't help either - except that you'll be more pleasant to be around than the pessimist. But, being a realist, understanding that there is an ebb and flow and moving with it, despite challenging times, will allow you to ultimately succeed.

Finally, my evolution towards realism has been most thoroughly tested post-accident. I will tell the truth and say that it would have been easy to fall into the pessimism trap - there were days (weeks, months) that very little was going my way.  I could have been swallowed up by those feelings of loss and misery and forgotten to recover. And, I could have easily done the opposite and fallen into the optimism trap - which also could have affected my recovery - I could have been so positive in thinking “everything will be ok” that I might not have put as much directed effort into my recovery as I did.  I am, by nature, a positive person.  And although I can see the good that has happened as a result of a lot of bad that has happened, I am not under the impression that life will work out exactly as I think it should (especially with little or no effort on my part).  

Instead, I feel as though I have more power in what happens. I can choose to work hard: in recovery, in parenting, and at work (eventually).  I can understand that not everything is going to be easy. The sky won't always be sunny. There will be challenges ahead. There will be pain. There will be disappointments, as well as triumphs. I will learn each step of the way. And with each step, positive or negative, I will choose to adjust and move forward.  And then, I'll adjust and move forward some more.  

So perhaps, instead of an optimist with a healthy dose of realism, I've become a realist with a few rainbows and unicorns sprinkled in for fun.