On Being Broken

What does it mean to be broken? Are we talking about in body, mind, heart, or spirit? Well, I think that there are different levels of brokenness and even if we are broken, there are ways to compensate.
For example, any adult will tell you they have had their heart broken. And a broken heart can, above many things, teach us how we want to relate to the world… What kind of people we want to be around… And how we want to act towards others. There are some people, though, that do not survive a broken heart. This brings to mind a husband that loses his beloved wife after 50 years together and then dies soon after. Fortunately, most of us can survive a broken heart and it is a rite of passage that children and teens must experience to understand adult relationships.
I was broken in body. In October, I was in a horrible accident. Every bone in my face was broken, my hand needed total reconstruction. I will never regain the hearing in my left ear. Most of the things that I normally did on a daily basis I could no longer do. Additionally, I could have and perhaps should have been broken in mind. I had a traumatic brain injury as a result of the accident that should have left me either a total vegetable or at least incredibly decreased in brain function. Fortunately, that did not happen.
I remember, though, my grandmother that had Alzheimer’s and the others that were on her ward in the dementia ward. I remember how sad it was. I remember how much I loved who my grandmother used to be and how she was no longer that person. And each day I am thankful that this is not my fate at 37.
So now for the last kind of brokenness: brokenness of spirit. I am of the belief that this is the worst. It is with spirit that one can recover from a broken heart and from a broken body. It is with spirit that I have gone through surgery after surgery, therapy after therapy, and appointment after appointment. While I have truly had the most talented team of doctors, whose skill I will be eternally grateful for, all their skill would mean nothing if I didn’t have the spirit to fight brokenness of body and mind. If my spirit had been broken, I would be that vegetable. I would not get to be a parent to my children. I would not get to go back to work. I would not care that people prayed for me and supported me. I would be a shell. For it is spirit that defines a person. Spirit is feeling of purpose. Spirit is fight and determination. Spirit is enthusiasm for whatever life brings and enthusiasm for making it the best it can be.
While I am incredibly thankful for so many things, it is my spirit that I am most thankful for. It has made all the other stuff possible.

Comments

  1. Susan M. HahnNovember 10, 2015 at 8:58 AM

    Amazing writing Carrie. Doesn't it feel sometimes like it was a miracle that kept you alive? Thank you for sharing.

    Susan

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  2. Carrie RootNovember 10, 2015 at 2:12 PM

    This is a topic that I have been wrestling with over the last two years. I don't think of it as God made a decision that I should live and that's how it was. I think God gave people the ability to meet their potential... the doctors and nurses, and me and fortunately for me, we all met it when I needed us to. :)

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