On Lessons from Grammy
Here we find ourselves amidst the holiday chaos once again. Although a joyous time, it is also a time that brings to mind memories of holidays past and of the people who have passed.
I have been thinking a great deal about my Grammy recently. I could linger on the sadness I feel that she is no longer with me, and sometimes I do. Or, I could focus on the lessons she taught me in my time with her and on my gratitude in receiving them. Today I will do that.
Grammy was not the sort of lovey-dovey dote all over her grandchildren kind of grandmother. She was too practical for that. And so, she did things with us: from crafts, to cooking, to trips to the zoo, and more. We were constantly learning and doing. She was moving fast and our job was to keep up... and, to have fun along the way.
So, this brings me to some of the key things I learned from Grammy. If you haven't had a Grammy to learn these things from, I'll gladly pass on her wisdom so you can learn from mine.
Take Care of Others By Helping Them to Learn to Take Care of Themselves: Grammy took care of a great number of people: her children and their spouses, my grandfather, her grandchildren, and numerous people who were not in her family. She taught us that we can and should take care of other people. If we have time and energy to give to others, we should. To be most effective though, we should take care of others through providing them the tools and resources they need to take care of themselves. I think that without this lesson, my ability to be an advocate for my own children would have been far diminished.
Knowledge is Power: Much to my mother's chagrin, Grammy told me where babies come from. I was six. Perhaps a little young, but she left a book out, I read it, and then she came into my room and answered the questions I had. I learned that it is important to constantly learn, from books and other sources, and that it is important to ask questions and have them answered. Knowledge can take you far.
Fight for What You Believe In: Grammy went to college and became a nurse (almost unheard of in her day). She practiced nursing at Salisbury University (then Salisbury State) where she was constantly "getting in trouble" for passing out condoms, pills, and advice to the students. She believed that students had reproductive rights (not commonly believed back then) and that giving students the ability to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy was a necessary thing. This one goes hand-in-hand with the first lesson - she was taking care of the students by giving them the tools and resources they needed to take care of themselves. And, she was also fighting for what she believed in - that the students had a choice about when they wanted to start a family. She risked controversy and "getting in trouble" to provide them with the ability to make that choice. I loved hearing stories of her school nurse days at Salisbury, as well as her before her time ideas relative to an individual's rights.
Have a Voice: This one is best represented by Grammy's belief in expressing yourself through voting. Grammy fought for women's right to vote, and she did not want to see us, generations later, squander that right or not fully understand what it meant. She fought to ensure that we had a voice and she made it clear that she felt we should use it every single chance we got. That it is a privilege, one that should not be taken for granted. To this day, I take my children to the polls with me and explain to them how important voting is - how important it is to have a voice in what's going on around us. Having a voice, through voting, and in anything is such an important lesson in personal significance. Having a voice means you're important. Using your voice means you realize it.
Present to the World What You Want the World to See: Grammy was not ultra glamorous by any stretch. She was well-kept. She always had her hair done, she was always well-groomed, and she got on me if I wasn't. She felt that if you looked smart and put-together, the world would see you that way. Basically, if you want to run the world, you have to look like you could and should. When people believe that you could and you should, then there is nothing stopping you if that's what you want to do.
Everything Does Not Have to be Perfect: Grammy also taught me, that sometimes, it is okay to sweep the dust under the rug. Sometimes it is okay to have a messy house or have things in the wrong place. It is okay to still welcome people into your home and your life, even if it isn't a perfect time for it. In this way, Grammy taught me to relax about the things that seem important, but probably really aren't in the grand scheme of things.
Make Decisions so Others Don't Have to Make them For You: Sadly, Grammy suffered from Alzheimer's. It is a horrible disease. The worst part wasn't when she had completely forgotten all of her family and friends. Instead, the worst part was when she knew she was forgetting and the pain I saw on her face as she realized it.
It is hard, when you have spent your life being fiercely independent, to be confronted with one of your defining characteristics being taken from you by some cruel trick of nature. So, what do you do? You make decisions while you can. You make decisions so your loved ones aren't faced with making them for you. You remain fiercely independent for as long as you can.
And so, that is what Grammy did. She proudly wore her DNR bracelet - it was the last decision she made while she was still of sound mind and body. She knew what she wanted, and didn't want her family to have to make that decision for her. Although it was hard to see that bracelet on her wrist, I was filled with pride and awe at her ability to make the decisions that needed to be made. And, it gave me faith that I could make hard decisions, too.
Believe in Yourself so Others Will Believe in You: Grammy was five foot nothing. And yet, she was a formidable giant. I never met anyone who knew her that didn't believe she couldn't accomplish anything she set her mind to. She let me understand that believing you can do anything, means that you can. She taught me not to question myself. If, in my mind, there is something worth achieving and something I want to do, then I should work hard and do it. And, I should feel good about what I have accomplished and can accomplish in the future. It doesn't occur to me that I can't do something. I think Grammy let me believe in myself this way. And, perhaps this is the most important lesson I learned from her. Perhaps it is the most important lesson that I can pass down to my children and my children's children.
I hope that someday my own grandchildren will call me Grammy. I know that I have a formidable giant's shoes to fill. I also know that I can do it - my Grammy allowed me to believe that I can.
I have been thinking a great deal about my Grammy recently. I could linger on the sadness I feel that she is no longer with me, and sometimes I do. Or, I could focus on the lessons she taught me in my time with her and on my gratitude in receiving them. Today I will do that.
Grammy was not the sort of lovey-dovey dote all over her grandchildren kind of grandmother. She was too practical for that. And so, she did things with us: from crafts, to cooking, to trips to the zoo, and more. We were constantly learning and doing. She was moving fast and our job was to keep up... and, to have fun along the way.
So, this brings me to some of the key things I learned from Grammy. If you haven't had a Grammy to learn these things from, I'll gladly pass on her wisdom so you can learn from mine.
Take Care of Others By Helping Them to Learn to Take Care of Themselves: Grammy took care of a great number of people: her children and their spouses, my grandfather, her grandchildren, and numerous people who were not in her family. She taught us that we can and should take care of other people. If we have time and energy to give to others, we should. To be most effective though, we should take care of others through providing them the tools and resources they need to take care of themselves. I think that without this lesson, my ability to be an advocate for my own children would have been far diminished.
Knowledge is Power: Much to my mother's chagrin, Grammy told me where babies come from. I was six. Perhaps a little young, but she left a book out, I read it, and then she came into my room and answered the questions I had. I learned that it is important to constantly learn, from books and other sources, and that it is important to ask questions and have them answered. Knowledge can take you far.
Fight for What You Believe In: Grammy went to college and became a nurse (almost unheard of in her day). She practiced nursing at Salisbury University (then Salisbury State) where she was constantly "getting in trouble" for passing out condoms, pills, and advice to the students. She believed that students had reproductive rights (not commonly believed back then) and that giving students the ability to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy was a necessary thing. This one goes hand-in-hand with the first lesson - she was taking care of the students by giving them the tools and resources they needed to take care of themselves. And, she was also fighting for what she believed in - that the students had a choice about when they wanted to start a family. She risked controversy and "getting in trouble" to provide them with the ability to make that choice. I loved hearing stories of her school nurse days at Salisbury, as well as her before her time ideas relative to an individual's rights.
Have a Voice: This one is best represented by Grammy's belief in expressing yourself through voting. Grammy fought for women's right to vote, and she did not want to see us, generations later, squander that right or not fully understand what it meant. She fought to ensure that we had a voice and she made it clear that she felt we should use it every single chance we got. That it is a privilege, one that should not be taken for granted. To this day, I take my children to the polls with me and explain to them how important voting is - how important it is to have a voice in what's going on around us. Having a voice, through voting, and in anything is such an important lesson in personal significance. Having a voice means you're important. Using your voice means you realize it.
Present to the World What You Want the World to See: Grammy was not ultra glamorous by any stretch. She was well-kept. She always had her hair done, she was always well-groomed, and she got on me if I wasn't. She felt that if you looked smart and put-together, the world would see you that way. Basically, if you want to run the world, you have to look like you could and should. When people believe that you could and you should, then there is nothing stopping you if that's what you want to do.
Everything Does Not Have to be Perfect: Grammy also taught me, that sometimes, it is okay to sweep the dust under the rug. Sometimes it is okay to have a messy house or have things in the wrong place. It is okay to still welcome people into your home and your life, even if it isn't a perfect time for it. In this way, Grammy taught me to relax about the things that seem important, but probably really aren't in the grand scheme of things.
Make Decisions so Others Don't Have to Make them For You: Sadly, Grammy suffered from Alzheimer's. It is a horrible disease. The worst part wasn't when she had completely forgotten all of her family and friends. Instead, the worst part was when she knew she was forgetting and the pain I saw on her face as she realized it.
It is hard, when you have spent your life being fiercely independent, to be confronted with one of your defining characteristics being taken from you by some cruel trick of nature. So, what do you do? You make decisions while you can. You make decisions so your loved ones aren't faced with making them for you. You remain fiercely independent for as long as you can.
And so, that is what Grammy did. She proudly wore her DNR bracelet - it was the last decision she made while she was still of sound mind and body. She knew what she wanted, and didn't want her family to have to make that decision for her. Although it was hard to see that bracelet on her wrist, I was filled with pride and awe at her ability to make the decisions that needed to be made. And, it gave me faith that I could make hard decisions, too.
Believe in Yourself so Others Will Believe in You: Grammy was five foot nothing. And yet, she was a formidable giant. I never met anyone who knew her that didn't believe she couldn't accomplish anything she set her mind to. She let me understand that believing you can do anything, means that you can. She taught me not to question myself. If, in my mind, there is something worth achieving and something I want to do, then I should work hard and do it. And, I should feel good about what I have accomplished and can accomplish in the future. It doesn't occur to me that I can't do something. I think Grammy let me believe in myself this way. And, perhaps this is the most important lesson I learned from her. Perhaps it is the most important lesson that I can pass down to my children and my children's children.
I hope that someday my own grandchildren will call me Grammy. I know that I have a formidable giant's shoes to fill. I also know that I can do it - my Grammy allowed me to believe that I can.
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