On Lessons From My Son
Today my little boy turns 10. 10! How did that happen? It seems as thought I blinked and the little baby boy on the left-hand side of the picture (below) turned into the little man on the right.
Despite being borderline-depressed that I am old enough to have a ten-year-old, I know that this boy, my first child, has taught me some of the best lessons in life: in how to parent (make it up as you go along), and in just being.
Feel What You Feel: It is okay to have feelings. It is okay to have REALLY BIG feelings. Simon may experience big anger and frustration, but frequently and I think because it is big, it also moves through him quickly and he can back to the task at hand. Perhaps anxiety isn't a feeling that is fun to experience in a big way. Perhaps anger isn't either. But, you know what is? Joy. Love. Hope. Warmth. He feels all of these in big ways too. Don't be afraid of feeling - it's what makes you human, what makes you relatable to others, and what allows you to be empathetic to others' experiences.
Be Proud of Your Accomplishments: Simon has struggled in school, not that he isn't capable academically, but that he doesn't quite fit into your everyday classroom. He stands out from the other students, and perhaps not in a way he wishes. And yet, because everyday is challenging for him, he accomplishes so much. The look of pride on his face, when he understands what he's accomplished, when he knows that he has worked hard and feels that he has achieved, is breathtaking. Everyone should feel pride in their accomplishments. What might not be big for others could be big for you - you achieved, be proud that you did.
Be Generous: Simon never hesitates to help if he sees a friend or younger child in need, or even a grown-up. He holds doors open for everyone behind him. He notices if someone is feeling sad and he asks if he can help. He is quick to hug anyone who asks for a one. Although I'd love to take credit for this, I actually believe this is just the way he is - he doesn't practice intentional generosity, he is of the rare breed that is generous to the bone (my brother is also that way). That being said, being intentionally generous is a great thing, too. It's something that I practice daily (and yes, I have to practice it). Nothing feels quite as good as giving to others in whatever way you can. Try it. I promise it'll make your everyday that much more meaningful and worthwhile.
Keep Trying to Make Friends and Include Everyone: This one is hard, and I don't mean for Simon - this one is hard for me. If Simon sees another child, he walks up to that child (younger, older, doesn't matter) and says "Hi, my name is Simon. Do you want to play?" Sometimes they say yes, but just as often they say no or ignore him. Still, he continues to reach out and try again. I think he knows what it is like to feel lonely and he doesn't want to feel that, nor does he want another child to feel that either. His resilience and persistence are remarkable in this. He never seems to take it personally (although I tend to take it personally for him) when someone doesn't want to play. Other children can be mean, or unfriendly, or perhaps just doing whatever is on their agenda for the day. It doesn't matter. Simon doesn't want to miss an opportunity to connect should one arise. I think we can all use a little bit of Simon's persistence: It is hard to make new friends, to network, or just to reach out and make connections. Do it anyway. Perhaps you'll be rebuffed. Or perhaps you'll meet someone who'll impact you in a way you not thought possible. You'll never know if you don't try.
Be Grateful for Love: I knew I loved Simon from the moment I held him. This is the amazing part though: He has taught me to love unconditionally and to love fiercely, not because I am his mother and these are the feelings that I have for him (although I do), but more for the fact that he loves unconditionally and he loves fiercely. If he loves you, he loves you with everything he's got. What an amazing feeling it is to be loved like that! I am so lucky that I get to experience it. I think the message in this one is the gratitude I have for the love I receive from him. Gratitude should be a part of your life, for every act of kindness and love you receive, for all your life's blessings. Even when life seems unbearable, there is something to be grateful for.
Being a parent has stretched me in ways I never thought possible. What is absolutely remarkable, though, is what you can learn from just watching your children be who they are. I am so fortunate.
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| Simon: Just born on the left and 10 on the right |
Despite being borderline-depressed that I am old enough to have a ten-year-old, I know that this boy, my first child, has taught me some of the best lessons in life: in how to parent (make it up as you go along), and in just being.
Feel What You Feel: It is okay to have feelings. It is okay to have REALLY BIG feelings. Simon may experience big anger and frustration, but frequently and I think because it is big, it also moves through him quickly and he can back to the task at hand. Perhaps anxiety isn't a feeling that is fun to experience in a big way. Perhaps anger isn't either. But, you know what is? Joy. Love. Hope. Warmth. He feels all of these in big ways too. Don't be afraid of feeling - it's what makes you human, what makes you relatable to others, and what allows you to be empathetic to others' experiences.
Be Proud of Your Accomplishments: Simon has struggled in school, not that he isn't capable academically, but that he doesn't quite fit into your everyday classroom. He stands out from the other students, and perhaps not in a way he wishes. And yet, because everyday is challenging for him, he accomplishes so much. The look of pride on his face, when he understands what he's accomplished, when he knows that he has worked hard and feels that he has achieved, is breathtaking. Everyone should feel pride in their accomplishments. What might not be big for others could be big for you - you achieved, be proud that you did.
Be Generous: Simon never hesitates to help if he sees a friend or younger child in need, or even a grown-up. He holds doors open for everyone behind him. He notices if someone is feeling sad and he asks if he can help. He is quick to hug anyone who asks for a one. Although I'd love to take credit for this, I actually believe this is just the way he is - he doesn't practice intentional generosity, he is of the rare breed that is generous to the bone (my brother is also that way). That being said, being intentionally generous is a great thing, too. It's something that I practice daily (and yes, I have to practice it). Nothing feels quite as good as giving to others in whatever way you can. Try it. I promise it'll make your everyday that much more meaningful and worthwhile.
Keep Trying to Make Friends and Include Everyone: This one is hard, and I don't mean for Simon - this one is hard for me. If Simon sees another child, he walks up to that child (younger, older, doesn't matter) and says "Hi, my name is Simon. Do you want to play?" Sometimes they say yes, but just as often they say no or ignore him. Still, he continues to reach out and try again. I think he knows what it is like to feel lonely and he doesn't want to feel that, nor does he want another child to feel that either. His resilience and persistence are remarkable in this. He never seems to take it personally (although I tend to take it personally for him) when someone doesn't want to play. Other children can be mean, or unfriendly, or perhaps just doing whatever is on their agenda for the day. It doesn't matter. Simon doesn't want to miss an opportunity to connect should one arise. I think we can all use a little bit of Simon's persistence: It is hard to make new friends, to network, or just to reach out and make connections. Do it anyway. Perhaps you'll be rebuffed. Or perhaps you'll meet someone who'll impact you in a way you not thought possible. You'll never know if you don't try.
Be Grateful for Love: I knew I loved Simon from the moment I held him. This is the amazing part though: He has taught me to love unconditionally and to love fiercely, not because I am his mother and these are the feelings that I have for him (although I do), but more for the fact that he loves unconditionally and he loves fiercely. If he loves you, he loves you with everything he's got. What an amazing feeling it is to be loved like that! I am so lucky that I get to experience it. I think the message in this one is the gratitude I have for the love I receive from him. Gratitude should be a part of your life, for every act of kindness and love you receive, for all your life's blessings. Even when life seems unbearable, there is something to be grateful for.
Being a parent has stretched me in ways I never thought possible. What is absolutely remarkable, though, is what you can learn from just watching your children be who they are. I am so fortunate.
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