On Hatred
I tend to feel all things intensely - good and bad, happy and sad, fun and torturous. What seems to be a positive thing about almost dying, is that it allows you to really reflect on what matters, to be compassionate toward others, to know what to hold on to, and what to let go of.
Hatred seems like a pretty negative topic for what is still the holiday season and will soon be a new year, but I think it is a perfect topic on which to reflect, and then to perhaps decide a different course for the fresh start of the new year.
It occurs to me that I have carried around hatred. I have hated people for some perceived wrong towards me, my friends or family, or towards a group I have affinity for. I have hated situations, for their unfairness. And, I have even hated spiders, for their creepy eight-legged, multi-eyed look.
But, hatred has not served me well. No matter how intensely I hate, nothing changes. I can hate spiders, but my hatred does not rid the world of them - it only leaves me focused on something distasteful.
Recently, I have found myself hating a situation. But again, hating the situation has done nothing to change it.
So, what does create change? What allows us to move past the hatred into something productive? Well, I think the answer is love.
It sounds simple, doesn't it? Love, don't hate. Perhaps it is naive of me to think this way. Perhaps not though.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately - with the unrest in the world that is so prevalent in the news. And, so, I'll use examples from the world, and I will suggest possibilities for change. Maybe they won't work, but what if they do?
My purpose is not to condone behavior. I do not believe that many of these behaviors are appropriate, but I do believe how we react to the behaviors can alter our future.
Hatred is most often born from fear - either personal fear, or fear that has been taught. How do we combat fear as a people?
Let's start with cases that are pitting police forces against citizens: Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin. These have no doubt been very tragic situations that have caused a lot of upheaval on both sides. I ask, though, that before you even go to choosing your side, stop and think - is hatred solving any problems? Is it understanding the situation for what it is, and working toward the best outcome for all involved? Hatred and fear is not bring any of these individuals back from the grave, and it doesn't actually help anyone moving forward.
What if, instead of reacting in fear that all police are out to get all people of color - we ask questions? And, what if we learn, as a result of asking questions, and seeking to understand, that the majority of police officers want nothing more than to help all the people they serve? Would that change how we approach them in the future?
What if, instead of reacting in fear that the communities that have been impacted by this are going to set themselves against the police - we ask questions? And, what if we learn, as a result of asking questions, that the majority of people just want to live their lives in peace, to take care of their families, and to grow and learn? Would that change how we approach them in the future?
Another example: terrorism. To me, terrorism means to instill terror in others. But, what if we think about terrorists as those who are also filled with terror. The need to fill others with terror has to come from somewhere, right? Perhaps it comes from their own fear. And that fear breeds hatred. And that hatred breeds terror on others. And, in response, instead of coming from a place of understanding, our own fear breeds our own hatred. And, no where, are we breeding understanding and love.
What if we asked someone we title a terrorist to explain why he hates? What if the response was because he believes that our country is taking away his country's freedom, that we want to harm his country, and we don't believe the same things he does, so he believes we will persecute him. And, in order to not be persecuted, he decided to persecute first.
And, what if we asked someone in our own government about the fight against terror? What if the response sounded much like the response of the terrorist? What if the answer was that we fight the terrorists because they are trying to take away our freedom. They are harming our country, and they are persecuting us. We have to persecute them before they persecute us.
When we get right down to it, each side hates for the same reasons, but from their own perspective. And, what does that change? What does hatred and fear do other than breed more hatred and fear in all of us?
How can we teach our children to be kind and compassionate, to help others, and to see the world as a good place, when we are actually stuck in a vicious cycle of making it frightening?
Here's my thought: Before we react in hatred in fear, instead, we reach deep into ourselves and respond by asking questions, by being open to another's experience, and then by sharing our own. Until we can understand what other people are going through, we'll never understand what their motivations are. And, wouldn't the world be kinder if we stopped reacting and starting acting instead.
What would happen if we all let go of our hatred? What would happen if 2015 was the year that we choose to seek to understand before making a judgement? What if, instead of focusing on how we are so different, and how those differences are scary, we focus on how we are all the same?
It is not my intention to belittle anyone's experiences. My intention is only to think about the possibilities. We cannot change what has happened in the past, but we can change our response to it moving forward. And, we can start by letting go of our own hatred, and of seeking understand rather than to just react.
What if, in this season of miracles, we create our own?
Hatred seems like a pretty negative topic for what is still the holiday season and will soon be a new year, but I think it is a perfect topic on which to reflect, and then to perhaps decide a different course for the fresh start of the new year.
It occurs to me that I have carried around hatred. I have hated people for some perceived wrong towards me, my friends or family, or towards a group I have affinity for. I have hated situations, for their unfairness. And, I have even hated spiders, for their creepy eight-legged, multi-eyed look.
But, hatred has not served me well. No matter how intensely I hate, nothing changes. I can hate spiders, but my hatred does not rid the world of them - it only leaves me focused on something distasteful.
Recently, I have found myself hating a situation. But again, hating the situation has done nothing to change it.
So, what does create change? What allows us to move past the hatred into something productive? Well, I think the answer is love.
It sounds simple, doesn't it? Love, don't hate. Perhaps it is naive of me to think this way. Perhaps not though.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately - with the unrest in the world that is so prevalent in the news. And, so, I'll use examples from the world, and I will suggest possibilities for change. Maybe they won't work, but what if they do?
My purpose is not to condone behavior. I do not believe that many of these behaviors are appropriate, but I do believe how we react to the behaviors can alter our future.
Hatred is most often born from fear - either personal fear, or fear that has been taught. How do we combat fear as a people?
Let's start with cases that are pitting police forces against citizens: Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin. These have no doubt been very tragic situations that have caused a lot of upheaval on both sides. I ask, though, that before you even go to choosing your side, stop and think - is hatred solving any problems? Is it understanding the situation for what it is, and working toward the best outcome for all involved? Hatred and fear is not bring any of these individuals back from the grave, and it doesn't actually help anyone moving forward.
What if, instead of reacting in fear that all police are out to get all people of color - we ask questions? And, what if we learn, as a result of asking questions, and seeking to understand, that the majority of police officers want nothing more than to help all the people they serve? Would that change how we approach them in the future?
What if, instead of reacting in fear that the communities that have been impacted by this are going to set themselves against the police - we ask questions? And, what if we learn, as a result of asking questions, that the majority of people just want to live their lives in peace, to take care of their families, and to grow and learn? Would that change how we approach them in the future?
Another example: terrorism. To me, terrorism means to instill terror in others. But, what if we think about terrorists as those who are also filled with terror. The need to fill others with terror has to come from somewhere, right? Perhaps it comes from their own fear. And that fear breeds hatred. And that hatred breeds terror on others. And, in response, instead of coming from a place of understanding, our own fear breeds our own hatred. And, no where, are we breeding understanding and love.
What if we asked someone we title a terrorist to explain why he hates? What if the response was because he believes that our country is taking away his country's freedom, that we want to harm his country, and we don't believe the same things he does, so he believes we will persecute him. And, in order to not be persecuted, he decided to persecute first.
And, what if we asked someone in our own government about the fight against terror? What if the response sounded much like the response of the terrorist? What if the answer was that we fight the terrorists because they are trying to take away our freedom. They are harming our country, and they are persecuting us. We have to persecute them before they persecute us.
When we get right down to it, each side hates for the same reasons, but from their own perspective. And, what does that change? What does hatred and fear do other than breed more hatred and fear in all of us?
How can we teach our children to be kind and compassionate, to help others, and to see the world as a good place, when we are actually stuck in a vicious cycle of making it frightening?
Here's my thought: Before we react in hatred in fear, instead, we reach deep into ourselves and respond by asking questions, by being open to another's experience, and then by sharing our own. Until we can understand what other people are going through, we'll never understand what their motivations are. And, wouldn't the world be kinder if we stopped reacting and starting acting instead.
What would happen if we all let go of our hatred? What would happen if 2015 was the year that we choose to seek to understand before making a judgement? What if, instead of focusing on how we are so different, and how those differences are scary, we focus on how we are all the same?
It is not my intention to belittle anyone's experiences. My intention is only to think about the possibilities. We cannot change what has happened in the past, but we can change our response to it moving forward. And, we can start by letting go of our own hatred, and of seeking understand rather than to just react.
What if, in this season of miracles, we create our own?
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