On Trials

I have been having a hard time, recently, deciding what to blog on. And then, I had a conversation with a friend of mine on the trials that we go through in life and it made me think.

What makes one person's trial in life harder or more significant than another's? Nothing. Each person will experience a trial, maybe more than one. And for each person experiencing it, that trial will be significant. It will impact that person and the people who love him or her in a most profound way. And no one, will experience their personal trial in the same way as someone else.

My friend mentioned that her daughter has suffered an injury that could lead to a major setback in a personal goal and dream for her future. Undoubtedly, her daughter is experiencing both physical pain and mental anguish from what life is unfolding for her.  

Hearing her story made me think of a few other friends and family members, their trials, and how different they are from mine:

One friend has an inoperable brain tumor that was expected to end her life in six months. Instead, she is seven years in, and while she can no longer practice trial law, a profession that certainly gave her much satisfaction, she has been able to find success in writing, in being a mom, and in making the world around her smile.

Another friend learned recently that she had breast cancer, has undergone chemo therapy, a lumpectomy, and is now awaiting radiation therapy. All this, while trying to continue to excel in a career she loves and balance her work and family life.

Yet another friend, has suffered from ulcerative colitis for more than 20 years. She has had some pretty major surgeries as a result. And then, because someone thought she could handle more - she had her baby at 25 weeks and six days. Although he spent a lot of time in the NICU, and each of his parents spent their own tortured time there beside him, he is doing great. And so is she.

And then, I think of my own mother, whose first daughter passed away at the age of three from cancer, and whose second daughter almost died in a catastrophic accident. She is, what I think of as one of the greatest examples strength and capability.

And for my last example, I think of my own son, who tries so hard on a daily basis to conform to the standards and ideals set by society, by school, and even by his family, and yet, just can't. Having ADHD makes it often impossible to control his own body and behaviors and then his anxiety kicks in and he worries about how he upset people. Yet, he is one of the kindest, most sensitive children I know. He cares deeply about his family and friends. And, he wants them to be happy.

Although I could go on with more examples of strong and brave friends and family who have faced difficult trials in their lives, instead, I’ll talk about what I've learned from each of the examples I used above:

• We are stronger and more resilient than we think we are. We all have the ability to overcome great obstacles.
• Our trials often lead to new opportunities. Sometimes, even though it really sucks, we need to go through something bad to get to what is good.
• Sometimes the good at the end of the bad isn't at all what we were expecting.
• My trial was no worse or no better than anyone else's. It was different. And, it was hard for me. Each person is entitled to feel the pain of their trial without having to compare it to what anyone else is going through.
• Most people, when going through their trial, don’t want pity. They don’t want others to feel sorry for them. They want compassion. They want understanding. They want support.
• Love and support from family and friends are among the best ways to get through anything.
• Life is challenging. If it were easy, it probably wouldn't mean so much.
• Getting through your trial (or trials) can make you stronger, more compassionate for others, and more determined for your future.

Going through a trial is not fun or easy. It will impact each of us in very different, yet profound ways. Pain is pain, physical or emotional. And no one, can say their pain is more or less significant than anyone else's, because they have never experienced the other person's pain in that same way.