On Empathy

empathy - (noun) - the ability to understand and share the feelings of another

sympathy - (noun) - feelings of pity or sorrow for someone else's misfortune

Why do I share the definitions of empathy and sympathy? Well, because they are often confused, but they are very different things.

I received a lot of sympathy relative to my accident, my injuries, and my continuing recovery. People have felt bad that I have gone through what I have gone through, and as a result, a lot of people have lent a hand, a kind word, and a kind thought. For all of that, I am appreciative.  

However, empathy is more difficult. Empathy means you have to put yourself in the shoes of another. It means you have to try to understand things from a perspective that is not your own. It takes work to have empathy. And, in some instances, it is almost impossible.

While empathy is more difficult, it is also more important. In order to have any successful relationships, you need to be able to have empathy. Or, you at least have to try - to make a concerted effort - to put yourself in the shoes of whom you are speaking or dealing with.

In work, in order to ultimately be successful, you need to be able to understand the perspective of: your co-workers, your clients or customers, those you manage, and those who lead you.

At home, with family and friends, it is the same thing. In order to have successful relationships, you must be able to put yourself in the shoes of the other person.

This isn't easy. People do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons, many of them you can't possibly fathom. However, once you try to understand their perspective - once you ask questions and really listen to the answers - a positive relationship can exist. It doesn't mean you will always agree with the other person. It just means you understand, at a deeper level, the intent behind the action, the comment, or decision.  It means you can dig deeper or you can move on.    

And sometimes, it isn't even as much about fully understanding, as it is about the trying. If the other person sees that you are making a genuine effort to understand their perspective, it automatically opens the relationship up to possibility.

It is when you don't make a concerted effort, when you just assume that your understanding of the situation, action, or conversation, is the correct one, that the relationship will tank. It's when taking the easy way out causes destruction.

And, here’s what I’ve learned in my own life: I am not perfect at having empathy. Sometimes, I feel that it is harder to understand than it is to conclude I know the answer, the reason, or the intent. But, I have also learned that when I’ve taken the easy way out, when I’ve assumed rather than inquired, relationships have been damaged. And, I know, that isn’t the choice that I want to make in the future. I don’t want to take the easy way out. I want to understand - even when I can’t possibly walk in someone else’s shoes - I am going to try.

So, how about you? Is there an instance that you can think of right now that calls for empathy. Can you make things better by trying to understand the perspective of another? And, will you work on having empathy more often? I promise you, all of your relationships will be the better for it.