On Trepidatation
My immensely talented cousin, Rachel Rickert, has recently been in Boise, Idaho, completing an artist residency. When I took a look at her site the other day, this painting jumped out at me as being really powerful.
It is called "Expulsion from Paradise." Immediately, I related to it. How many times do I stand in the shower, not really wanting to get out? Getting out means facing whatever the day will bring, and honestly, facing the day isn't always what I want to do. Sometimes, I'd rather just stay in the shower and hide.
After my accident, once I got home, I remember that feeling - the trepidation of facing my day, of not wanting to get out of the shower. Mostly, I felt this way because I had absolutely no certainty of what my day would hold. There were still so many things I couldn't do. Would today be a good day where I got stronger, or would today just be overwhelming and exhausting?
Now, instead of trying to figure out how to recover, leaving the shower can mean managing sibling arguments, making meals, or doing the laundry. It means dishes, packing lunches, and helping with homework. While I am on one hand grateful that I can do these things, they are also just the mundane part of life that sometimes I don't want to do. And, how these things turn out is still kind of uncertain, right?! I mean, sometimes my kids don't fight, and sometimes it's WWIII in my house. If I just stay in the shower... maybe those everyday challenges will disappear instead of grow larger.
Leaving the shower also means taking my kids on interesting adventures, reading books, and doing meaningful work. Occasionally, even facing the great things about my day-to-day life feels a little overwhelming. Perhaps I could just stay in the shower...
What I think is particularly impactful about this painting is that most people can relate to the trepidation it invokes -you don't have to have a major accident or a brain injury to get it. People understand not wanting to face what's on the otherside of that warm water cocoon. The thing that changes isn't the feeling - it's the source of it that differs from person to person, or even from day-to-day for the same person.
I love when art, in any form, gives me a feeling of recognizing myself. It makes me feel that no matter how different our lives are, we still have a lot of the same core feelings. It is a relief to feel that someone else feels the same. It is liberating to not be alone in how we feel, even when we are alone in our individual experience.
It is called "Expulsion from Paradise." Immediately, I related to it. How many times do I stand in the shower, not really wanting to get out? Getting out means facing whatever the day will bring, and honestly, facing the day isn't always what I want to do. Sometimes, I'd rather just stay in the shower and hide.
After my accident, once I got home, I remember that feeling - the trepidation of facing my day, of not wanting to get out of the shower. Mostly, I felt this way because I had absolutely no certainty of what my day would hold. There were still so many things I couldn't do. Would today be a good day where I got stronger, or would today just be overwhelming and exhausting?
Now, instead of trying to figure out how to recover, leaving the shower can mean managing sibling arguments, making meals, or doing the laundry. It means dishes, packing lunches, and helping with homework. While I am on one hand grateful that I can do these things, they are also just the mundane part of life that sometimes I don't want to do. And, how these things turn out is still kind of uncertain, right?! I mean, sometimes my kids don't fight, and sometimes it's WWIII in my house. If I just stay in the shower... maybe those everyday challenges will disappear instead of grow larger.
Leaving the shower also means taking my kids on interesting adventures, reading books, and doing meaningful work. Occasionally, even facing the great things about my day-to-day life feels a little overwhelming. Perhaps I could just stay in the shower...
What I think is particularly impactful about this painting is that most people can relate to the trepidation it invokes -you don't have to have a major accident or a brain injury to get it. People understand not wanting to face what's on the otherside of that warm water cocoon. The thing that changes isn't the feeling - it's the source of it that differs from person to person, or even from day-to-day for the same person.
I love when art, in any form, gives me a feeling of recognizing myself. It makes me feel that no matter how different our lives are, we still have a lot of the same core feelings. It is a relief to feel that someone else feels the same. It is liberating to not be alone in how we feel, even when we are alone in our individual experience.
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