On Anchors and Melancholy

As most of you know, I’m a fairly positive person. When bad things happen, I don’t typically assign them more weight than what they are or think they are a sign of things to come. Instead, I pretty much believe that everything is going to work out eventually, and I’ll grow and learn along the way. Things that are difficult to achieve are generally worth it, so I don’t fear a challenge. 

There are people in my life that see me, and my outlook, as an anchor for themselves. I continue to be steady, no matter how big the crisis. My calm allows others to stop and think before they react to the situation at hand. Certainly this isn’t always the case, but I do handle crises and catastrophes quite well. 

It comes as a shock to the system, then, that this anchor sometimes has a weak spot or two. Despite my positivity, I have a propensity for depression. Those I hold steady can feel a bit adrift when I am not responding with assurance and calm - or worse, when I respond with hopelessness. 

This Fall was particularly difficult for me. I had no dramatic crisis, and maybe that was part of the problem... nothing terribly chaotic for me to make certain. And oh how I love to make life certain. It’s what I know for sure that I am good at doing. I feel a bit lost in the world when I don’t have something to manage. 

When I am depressed, I have a hard time categorizing the things in my world. Not being able to put small, irritating, everyday things in order keep me from being able to get myself into a groove. No groove and I am not able excel at managing the world around me. I have a very difficult time with this. 

Fortunately, depression isn’t a new thing for me. This means I have a road map for how to address it. When I start to feel that cloud of melancholy take me over, I exercise more and I go to therapy. Sometimes if those two things don’t work, I take antidepressants. It isn't a quick turnaround, but it's a path that I can travel that will eventually put me back on even keel.  

The New Year is always a time of fresh starts and hopeful beginnings for me. This year, thanks to that road map of exercise, therapy, and antidepressants, I am able to approach it feeling refreshed and ready to take on whatever new chaos comes my way. I’m feeling like myself again. I believe that 2019 has some phenomenal things in store for me. I intend to make amazing things happen. This anchor is holding steady.