On...

Just recently, a friend of mine told me that he thought I was the least complaining person he knew. He has been working on being mindful of negativity and complaining, particularly when those complaints are about things of no real consequence to daily existence, and the result of the complaints just incur unhappiness or a focus on negativity. Anyway, his comment made me think. And, in some ways he's right - I don't complain about the hard things that I've gone through. I make a conscious effort to focus on what went right, instead of what went wrong. Interestingly though, I used to complain... All the time - about the little stuff. In fact, I think I became more mindful of my complaining when I was called out on it in my undergrad program in Clinical Psychology. A little backstory: I remember this guy Nat. He described me one day, in the midst of our group therapy class, and his description was "the most cheerful complainer I've ever met." I was compl...

A friend of Alli's was over for a playdate this past weekend. He is a darling boy with whom I'm glad she is friends. Although... I'm afraid he might have a bit to learn, especially if Alli's prediction on their future nuptials comes true. At one point, they were doing something that evidently needed some muscles - perhaps opening something or lifting a heavy object. He says "Alli, boys are stronger than girls. I should do that." Both Alli and I disagreed, immediately and outloud. Alli said "uh... no... I'm just as strong as you." And I said "whether you're a boy or a girl has nothing to do with how strong you are." Perhaps we were a little abrupt for the boy who didn't mean any harm, but still... I am glad my daughter stood up for herself and her gender. In any case, this exchange got me thinking about the strongest people I know. And, well, it is not that I don't know some strong men, but the majority of the people ...

I do not like to rest. If I am "resting," I might as well be sleeping. Sleeping is a worthwhile activity that helps my body and my brain become stronger. Resting is just... silliness. It is more painful for me to sit still and rest than the pain from my surgery. I know people who like resting, people who know that a little rest now means they can do more later. But resting, to me, feels like failure. Achieving means I'm finding a way to do what needs to be done. Letting the day pass me by... totally failure. This past Thursday, after my surgery, I was pretty sore. My kids were at school. My parents went home. All I had to do all day was rest. About 10 minutes into it (maybe 20), I'd had enough resting. I was fidgety and anxious to get moving. But, I couldn't. Nothing about resting is relaxing for me. I am relaxed when I can get things done. I am relaxed when I check things off my list. I am NOT RELAXED when I am sitting on the couch watching TV. I don'...

I recently got the craziest news. I'm still not entirely sure what to make of it, but here's the back story: When I was first admitted to Shock Trauma, my mom approved allowing me to be a part of a double blind study. The medication in the study had shown some initial promising results in quickly reducing brain swelling, and therefore reducing a lot of the complications that can go with it. So, I was a part of this study. Until very recently, I did not know if I had received the medication or the placebo. The woman conducting the study (Charlene), as well as my parents, myself, and anyone who knew I was a part of this study assumed that I had most likely gotten the medication. The swiftness of reduction in my brain swelling post-trauma was remarkable. So, of course, I got the medication, right? BUT I DIDN'T! As it turns out, I was in the placebo group. WHAT?! Part of me is disappointed. I really enjoyed getting to know Charlene and wanted to be helpful to her study, f...

So, here it is the second anniversary of Emily and me surviving our accident. In many ways it feels like it was just yesterday. Yet, so many things have changed since then that I cannot imagine how I have fit it all in. It is true that many parts of this experience completely and totally sucked: that Em and I were in a life-changing accident; having a long and arduous recovery; knowing that my friend was hurt when I was driving; understanding the fear that our family and friends felt day in and day out. All of it was pretty horrible. Here's what's also true: I wouldn't change any of it. I am grateful for the doctors, nurses, family and friends that made my survival possible. It is both overwhelming and fulfilling to know that people are working and praying hard for you. I am grateful for the connections and re-connections I have made because of the accident. Meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends is a wonderful thing, something I appreciate tremend...

When I asked my children what I should bring home for them from Ireland, they thought that perhaps I should try to catch a leprechaun and bring him home. I warned them that this would be tricky, as leprechauns do not like to be caught, let alone packed in a bag, put on a plane, and taken away from their homes. While I did not catch a leprechaun to bring home, I was reminded of all the ways I can fill my pot with gold. Reconnecting with Friends: A big reason for going to Ireland was to reconnect with my friend and former co-worker, Donal, his wife, Fanya, and their three boys. I love to be around people, and these are some of the best people to be around. Our time together was filled with laughter. Connection and laughter with friends is definitely gold. Meeting New Friends: There was not one person I met while in Ireland that didn't make me feel completely welcome, and like I was immediately a friend. This is a lovely thing to experience. From the staff at Donal and Fanya...

Today my little boy turns 10. 10! How did that happen? It seems as thought I blinked and the little baby boy on the left-hand side of the picture (below) turned into the little man on the right. Simon: Just born on the left and 10 on the right Despite being borderline-depressed that I am old enough to have a ten-year-old, I know that this boy, my first child, has taught me some of the best lessons in life: in how to parent (make it up as you go along), and in just being. Feel What You Feel: It is okay to have feelings. It is okay to have REALLY BIG feelings. Simon may experience big anger and frustration, but frequently and I think because it is big, it also moves through him quickly and he can back to the task at hand. Perhaps anxiety isn't a feeling that is fun to experience in a big way. Perhaps anger isn't either. But, you know what is? Joy. Love. Hope. Warmth. He feels all of these in big ways too. Don't be afraid of feeling - it's what makes you human, wha...